An Exclamation Point on a Beautiful Life: Heidi’s Living Funeral

If you have the curse of advanced notice, throw a party. Don’t have a funeral – it’s not as fun. Writes Author Jenna Satherwaite, who described her sister Heidi’s living funeral to BBC’s Women’s Hour. This remarkable celebration turned the traditional concept of a memorial service into a joyous affirmation of life, love, and connection.

This powerful story shows how choosing to celebrate life while we’re still here can create profound meaning for both the honoree and their loved ones.

Jenna described the magical and pain-filled celebration as an exclamation point at the end of a sentence, “the sentence of her life. I guess you could call it closure. It was that moment when you pause to acknowledge a beautiful life. And we don’t do that often.”

Heidi was 34, and so full of life… until she wasn't. The best way I can describe her is: she loved people. She never met someone she didn't like. People were her joy and anyone who met her felt that energy. She chose to have a Living Funeral and you'd better believe we danced. pic.twitter.com/U7pm5c2KvY

— Jenna Satterthwaite (@JennaSchmenna) August 29, 2022

Reimagining the Farewell: What is a Living Funeral?

A living funeral, also known as a living wake or pre-funeral celebration, allows someone to participate in their own life celebration. Unlike traditional funerals, these events create space for direct expressions of love, gratitude, and farewell while the honoured person can fully participate in and experience these precious moments.

Planning Heidi’s Celebration

Jenna described how the planning process mirrored that of a wedding, with careful attention paid to every detail that would make the day special. The family secured a hall, arranged catering, and created a carefully curated playlist. While there was initial uncertainty about attendance, the response was overwhelming – 200 people changed their summer plans, cancelled vacations, and travelled from far and wide to be present for this meaningful occasion.

Elements of the Celebration

The celebration was a rare pause to truly acknowledge a life well-lived, an emotional and magical gathering that reminded us of the importance of coming together. Jenna says, “We’re bad at celebrating. We’re always looking for the next thing and shifting goalposts. So it was really special to come together and close that sentence as a group this and say, This was her life. She lived it well. Exclamation!”.

The event combined several powerful components:

• Heartfelt speeches and toasts celebrating Heidi’s life
• Dancing to carefully chosen music that held special meaning
• An MC who guided the proceedings
• Heidi and her husband danced to the First dance song from their wedding
• Time for personal goodbyes and expressions of love
• Opportunities for photos and creating final memories together

The Gift of a Living Funeral

There is something profoundly moving about celebrating a life while that person is present to receive the love, gratitude, and memories shared. For Heidi, this celebration served as what her sister Jenna beautifully described as “an exclamation point at the end of a sentence” – a powerful punctuation mark on a life well-lived.

For the person being honored, a living funeral offers the rare and precious gift of witnessing their own legacy. It’s a chance to hear the stories that might otherwise have been shared in hushed tones after their passing – the funny anecdotes, the moments of impact they never knew they had, the ripple effects of their kindness and love that touched others’ lives. It’s an opportunity to laugh at the jokes, shed tears at the tender memories, and feel the full weight of their life’s meaning through the eyes of those they love most.

For family and friends, this celebration provides something that traditional funerals cannot – the chance to say goodbye with intention, to share those words that often go unspoken until it’s too late. It’s a space to express gratitude, to acknowledge the impact their loved one has had on their lives, and to create one more precious memory together. The ability to share these feelings while their loved one can still embrace them, laugh with them, and respond to their words creates a different kind of closure – one filled with joy alongside the inevitable sadness.

Related: Kris Hallenga’s FUNeral

Perhaps most powerfully, a living funeral transforms what could be a time of waiting and grief into a celebration of connection. It creates a sacred space where difficult emotions can coexist with joy, where tears can mix with laughter, and where the pain of impending loss meets the beauty of present love. In Heidi’s case, 200 people chose to show up, cancel plans, and make the journey to be present – a testament to the human desire to connect, to celebrate, and to say “you mattered to me” while there is still time to say it.

This kind of celebration also offers something unique for the wider community – a chance to come together in support, to witness the power of love in the face of loss, and to be reminded of what truly matters in life. It creates a template for how we might all choose to face our mortality – with openness, celebration, and an emphasis on the connections that make life meaningful.

Wisdom for the Journey

Jenna later captured the essence of this experience in her poem “Advice for the Dying,” which emphasizes the importance of celebration, connection, and careful preparation. Her advice encourages others to consider creating their own meaningful farewell celebrations, surrounded by loved ones and filled with joy despite the circumstances.

This is Heidi, dancing at her living funeral. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/XqKiNlBLlO

— Jenna Satterthwaite (@JennaSchmenna) March 6, 2023

The Role of a Celebrant

Planning a living funeral requires sensitivity, experience, and careful attention to both practical and emotional elements. A professional celebrant can help by:

• Guiding you through the planning process
• Suggesting meaningful rituals and elements to include
• Helping structure the event
• Acting as MC if desired
• Ensuring the celebration reflects your wishes and personality
• Supporting family members in their roles

Creating Your Own Celebration of Life

For those considering planning their own living funeral, key elements to consider include:

• Choosing a venue that can accommodate your guests comfortably
• Planning the format (formal/informal, structured/casual)
• Deciding on elements like music, speeches, and activities
• Considering if you want to incorporate any meaningful rituals
• Making arrangements for food and refreshments
• Sending invitations with enough notice for people to attend

Read more: How to plan your own living funeral

Create Your Own Meaningful Farewell

Every life deserves to be celebrated in a way that reflects its unique beauty and impact. Whether you’re planning ahead for yourself or helping someone else create their farewell celebration, a professional celebrant can help bring your vision to life with sensitivity and care.

A celebrant-led ceremony offers:

• Personalised planning and guidance
• Experience with meaningful rituals and celebrations
• Support for family members
• Help creating a structured yet flexible event
• Assistance incorporating special elements and traditions

Ready to explore creating a meaningful celebration of life? The Celebrant Directory features experienced celebrants who specialise in crafting unique and personal ceremonies.

Find Your Perfect Celebrant Now

Your life story deserves to be celebrated in a way that’s as unique as you are.