How to Plan Your Own Living Funeral

Living funerals are rewriting the rules of how we celebrate life’s journey. Whether you’re facing a terminal diagnosis, living with a progressive condition like Alzheimer’s, or simply wish to gather loved ones for a meaningful celebration, a living funeral offers the precious gift of being present for your own life celebration. It’s an opportunity to hear the stories usually saved for eulogies, to express gratitude in person, and to create lasting memories with those you cherish most.

In this guide, we’ll walk you through everything you need to know about planning your own living funeral. From choosing the perfect timing and venue to creating a ceremony that truly reflects your personality, we’ll explore how to blend traditional elements with personal touches that make the celebration uniquely yours. You’ll discover practical advice about working with celebrants, managing health considerations, and documenting precious moments, alongside inspiring real-life examples from those who’ve created their own meaningful celebrations.

Whether you envision an intimate gathering at home or a grand celebration in a cathedral, this guide will help you navigate the practical and emotional aspects of planning a living funeral. We’ll show you how to create a celebration that honors your journey, embraces your loved ones, and leaves a lasting legacy of joy and connection.

Let’s explore how to create a celebration as unique as your own life story.

What is a Living Funeral?

A living funeral, also known as a living wake or pre-funeral celebration, is a ceremony held while you’re still alive to celebrate your life, share memories, and express love and gratitude with family and friends.

Unlike traditional funerals, these celebrations focus on joy, connection, and present moments rather than mourning – though they can certainly include space for processing emotions and saying goodbye. They create space for both laughter and tears, for sharing stories and expressing gratitude, for dancing and reflection. It’s a chance to hear the words often saved for eulogies and to embrace loved ones while creating precious final memories together.

The Beauty of Being Present

One of the most powerful aspects of a living funeral is the opportunity to hear the impact you’ve had on others’ lives. As celebrant Jo Ohlsen Clarke shares, “These ceremonies can be incredibly healing. They give people the chance to say everything they’ve always wanted to say, to share memories, and to celebrate together in a way that traditional funerals don’t always allow.”

Breaking Traditions: Your Ceremony, Your Rules

While traditional funerals often follow a familiar pattern – eulogies, readings, tributes, and slideshows – a living funeral offers the freedom to reimagine these conventions entirely. You might choose to weave in traditional elements or create something completely unique to your personality and wishes.

Perhaps no one embodied this spirit of creative freedom better than Kris Hellenga, the inspirational founder of CoppaFeel charity. When planning her living funeral at age 38 while living with breast cancer, Kris chose to transform Truro Cathedral into a celebration space that perfectly reflected her vibrant approach to life. The ceremony beautifully balanced meaningful traditions with unexpected moments of joy – a close friend delivered a heartfelt eulogy, while live music filled the historic space as a gospel choir lifted spirits higher. In a delightfully surprising twist, actress Dawn French appeared in character as the Vicar of Dibley to perform part of the ceremony, bringing laughter to complement the tears. Her chosen dress code – “You Only Die Once” – captured perfectly the spirit of embracing life’s final celebration with both style and substance.

The beauty of a living funeral lies in this freedom to choose. You might decide to have loved ones share stories about your impact on their lives while you can hear them, or perhaps you’d prefer to take the microphone yourself and share your own life story from your perspective. Some choose to include religious or spiritual elements that have meant something to them, while others create entirely new rituals that reflect their personal journey.

Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to structure your ceremony. Whether you envision an afternoon of storytelling and memory-sharing or a grand celebration with entertainment and surprises, your living funeral can be as traditional or as unconventional as you wish. The only rule is that it should feel authentically you.

Planning Your Journey: From Vision to Reality

Planning a living funeral is like crafting the most personal celebration of your life – it requires thoughtful planning, emotional awareness, and careful consideration of practical details. Whether you envision an intimate gathering or you plan on going out with a bang, the key is understanding how to bring your unique vision to life.

Let’s explore the essential elements that will help you create a celebration that truly honors your journey and the connections you’ve made along the way:

Timing: The Right Moment

The path to creating your perfect living funeral begins with timing. When Jo Ohlsen Clarke’s client chose to hold a gathering of her closest friends in the early stages of dementia, she made this choice knowing it would allow her to fully participate, whilst she could still recognise and remember her loved ones.

If you’re facing terminal illness you might want to wait between 6-12 months before your expected passing, when energy levels still allow for full participation in the celebration.

Yet timing isn’t just about health circumstances. Some choose to hold these celebrations while in good health, turning what could be a somber occasion into a joyful gathering of loved ones. The key is choosing a moment when you feel ready to embrace the experience fully, whatever your circumstances may be.

Setting the Scene: Choosing Your Location

Your choice of venue sets the tone for the entire celebration. Kris Hellenga, founder of CoppaFeel, decision to hold her living funeral at Truro Cathedral created a grand backdrop for her 160 guests, complete with gospel choir performances and theatrical elements. But not every celebration needs such scale. Many find profound meaning in more intimate settings.

A home celebration offers the comfort of familiar surroundings and easy access to rest when needed, but consider how many guests you can comfortably accommodate.

Local pubs or restaurants where you’ve celebrated countless moments before can provide the perfect blend of comfort and convenience. Garden settings offer natural beauty and space for meaningful rituals like tree planting, while community spaces can accommodate larger groups while maintaining a personal feel.

If you are receiving hospice care, you may be able to arrange an event within their grounds.

Meaningful Locations for a living funeral

• Favourite restaurant or pub
• Beautiful garden setting
• Your Home
• Community spaces
• Hotels or event spaces

Creating the Perfect Atmosphere: Music and Elements to Include

Music can be an uplifting way to set the scene and tell your story. Consider creating a playlist that spans your life’s journey – from the songs that marked significant moments to those that simply brought joy to ordinary days. Live performances, whether from family members or professional musicians like Kris’s gospel choir, add an extra layer of meaning to the celebration.

But music is just the beginning. Your story deserves to be told in many ways. A memory wall filled with photos can spark conversations and reminiscence. Video messages from those who can’t attend in person ensure everyone who’s touched your life can be part of your day. Some choose to create time capsules or memory books, while others opt for more interactive elements like open mic sessions where guests can share their stories and tributes.

Ceremonial Elements

• Life story sharing
• Memory wall or photo displays
• Video messages from distant loved ones
• Symbolic rituals (candle lighting, tree planting)
• Guest book for messages
• Time capsule creation

Interactive Elements

• Open mic for stories and tributes
• Memory sharing circles
• Toast ceremonies
• Group activities or games
• Craft stations for making keepsakes

Giving Speeches or Eulogies

In essence, what makes living memorials so powerful is the ability to combine celebration with farewell, to mix laughter with tears, and to transform an ending into a beautiful affirmation of a life well-lived and well-loved. Speeches and Eulogies can add to the event, providing words of comfort for those attending.

If you plan to give a speech or a Eulogy be sure to write down your thoughts and practice beforehand. Living Funerals, by their nature, are usually emotionally charged events, but if you’ve prepared beforehand, it can be easier to deliver your speech.

Read More: How to write a speech for your own Living Funeral

Working with a Celebrant

A professional celebrant brings invaluable expertise to your celebration’s planning and execution. They understand how to structure the day to balance joy with reflection, ensuring every element flows smoothly while maintaining the emotional resonance you desire. From writing and delivering tributes to coordinating different elements of the ceremony, they help transform your vision into reality while creating a comfortable atmosphere for sharing and connection. A professional celebrant can be invaluable in planning and conducting your living funeral. They can:

• Help structure the ceremony
• Write and deliver tributes
• Coordinate different elements
• Manage emotional dynamics
• Ensure your vision is realized
• Create a comfortable atmosphere for sharing

Practical Matters of the Heart

When planning your living funeral, certain practical considerations require attention, but they needn’t overshadow the joy of the occasion. If you’re managing health conditions, work closely with your medical care providers to plan around medication schedules and energy levels. Create quiet spaces where you can rest if needed, and ensure seating arrangements allow for comfort throughout the celebration.

Think carefully about your guest list and how to communicate the nature of the event to them. Clear, thoughtful invitations help set expectations and allow guests to prepare emotionally for this unique celebration. Consider having emotional support resources available, especially for those who might find the experience overwhelming.

Making Lasting Memories

Documentation becomes particularly precious for these celebrations. A professional photographer or videographer can capture the joy, tears, and laughter that make the day special. Consider setting up a recording station where guests can leave video messages, or create a memory book where they can write their thoughts and wishes.

The Art of Celebration

The beauty of a living funeral lies in its flexibility to become whatever you envision. Take inspiration from those who’ve gone before – from Kris’s cathedral celebration with its “You Only Die Once” dress code to more intimate gatherings where afternoon tea and shared stories create the perfect atmosphere for connection.

Some choose to incorporate symbolic rituals like candle lighting or tree planting, creating tangible reminders of the day’s significance. Others prefer a more casual approach, with open mic sessions allowing for spontaneous sharing of memories and stories. Whatever elements you choose, they should reflect your personality and the type of celebration that feels most meaningful to you.

Create Your Own Meaningful Celebration

Every life story deserves to be celebrated in its own unique way. Whether you envision an intimate brunch gathering like Jo’s client or a grand celebration like Kris’s cathedral ceremony, a living funeral offers the chance to write the final chapter of your story exactly as you wish. It’s an opportunity to share your legacy in your own words, hear the impact you’ve had on others, and create lasting memories with those you love most.

Ready to plan your own meaningful celebration? The Celebrant Directory features experienced celebrants who specialise in creating unique and personal ceremonies that honour life’s significant moments. They understand the delicate balance of joy and reflection these celebrations require and can help you craft a ceremony that perfectly captures your spirit.

Find Your Perfect Celebrant Now

Your life story is extraordinary. Celebrate it surrounded by those you love, in a way that’s truly you.