How to incorporate the Phera into your wedding ceremony if you aren’t religious

“But we’re not religious” – it’s a common concern for couples with Hindu heritage planning their wedding ceremony. You might feel caught between honouring your family’s traditions and staying authentic to your own beliefs. The good news? You don’t have to choose between respecting your cultural roots and creating a ceremony that reflects who you are today.

The Phera, a cornerstone of Hindu wedding ceremonies, represents far more than just a religious ritual. At its heart, it’s a beautiful expression of unity – four circles symbolizing duty, prosperity, love, and spiritual growth. For non-religious couples, this meaningful tradition can be thoughtfully adapted to create a ceremony that bridges heritage and personal values.

There can often be family members to consider when planning your special day and with this, comes pressure if you are opting out of having a full-on religious ceremony. In this blog, The Celebrant Directory member Sonal Dave shares with us her top tips on planning a Hindu wedding ceremony that isn’t religious but still respects the roots of religious traditions. Sonal is an award-winning Celebrant and is highly experienced in delivering ceremonies that can include symbolic Asian rituals. 

What is the Phera? 

The Phera is part of a Hindu Wedding Ceremony where the couple will walk around the fire four times.  Each round has a significance and they are:

1. Dharma (duty)
2. Artha (providing for the family)
3. Karma (love) 
4. Moksha (knowledge)

The BrideGroom leads the first three rounds as it is said that he is the breadwinner in earning wealth in the family, and then the Bride does the final round. By the Bride leading the fourth, she is demonstrating that she will be there whatever life throws at them as a couple. 

If the Phera is done in the religious way the following items will be included:

• The Havan Kund
• Wooden Sticks or smokeless coal
• Matches
• Havan Samagri
• Mantras recited by the priest
• There is a traditional song that can also be sung

Why is the Phera important? 

The four Pheras are considered important in the Hindu culture because of the significance of each round the couple makes around the fire. The priest would call upon the brothers of the bride to join them in the Mandap and take part in the Phera Ceremony, whilst they themselves recite the relevant mantras in Sanskrit.

Families often encourage couples to keep these traditions alive as they feel they are part of their religion and the legal ceremony that must be done for a couple to be happy and successful in life. The issue here is that doing the Phera as part of the Hindu wedding in the UK does not mean that you are legally married. Also, if the couple are not religious but is doing the ceremony because they feel they have to, it doesn’t feel right.

How to include the Phera in your wedding ceremony

Although there is the expected way the Phera ceremony should be conducted, here are some other ideas for how you can be creative with your Phera ceremony, especially with an independent celebrant. This can be for all couples as well as multicultural and LGBTQ wedding ceremonies.

1. The Phera & Mantras

This is where the couple completes four circulations around the fire, for Dharma (duty), Artha (providing for the family), Karma (love) and Moksha (knowledge) whilst the priest recites the mantras in sanskrit.

A non-religious version of Sanskrit Mantras – Instead of the priest reciting the sanskrit mantras written for each round, the couple write their own words which relate directly to their lives, so are personalised. These can be read out by themselves or their Celebrant and can also be used as their personal vows.

2. The Phera Fire The couple would normally walk around the fire that is in the Havan Kund. Havan Kund is basically a reservoir in which sacred offerings are kindled. In the Hindu tradition, the Havan Kunds are energy centres where divinity is evoked. If you feel it is inappropriate to include the sacred fire, there are alternatives:

A non-religious version of the ceremonial fire – The couple walk around a clear bowl filled with water, flowers and a little earth and then place a lit floating candle in the water. This signifies the five Bhutas – Earth, Water, Fire, Space and Air which is something that we can relate to.

3. The Phera – Havan Samagri- The couple would normally call on their brothers or male cousins to join them and place the Havan Samagri,(rice and barley) in their hands to put into the fire.

In the non-religious version of Havan Samagri – The couple still call their brothers and male cousins to join them but they place petals in their hands to put into the clear bowl with water. With a Celebrant, they can also call their sisters and female cousins.

Can you write your own vows for the ceremony? 

In a traditional Hindu ceremony, the priest will recite mantras in Sanskrit and tell you everything you need to repeat after them. There is no choice when it comes to your vows. This dates back to the religious belief that you followed what the priest told you to do and say.

With a Celebrant-led ceremony, if you are having the Phera ceremony, you can write your own words for each round based on the meaning of each, as well as write your own personal vows. Some couples choose to each write seven personal vows, which are like the seven steps and promises of the Saptapadi.

Choosing the Right Celebrant: A Bridge Between Tradition and Personal Choice

When planning a ceremony that incorporates cultural elements like the Phera, working with a celebrant who understands both the traditional significance and modern adaptations is crucial. Sonal Dave, an award-winning multicultural celebrant, exemplifies the expertise needed for such ceremonies. With her unique background—Indian heritage, Ugandan birth, and marriage into a mixed Irish and Indo-Caribbean family—Sonal brings a deep understanding of how to blend cultures, traditions, and values authentically.

Her experience in crafting ceremonies for an international clientele, combined with her expertise in public speaking and storytelling, allows her to help couples navigate the delicate balance between honouring tradition and creating personally meaningful celebrations. Whether you’re planning an interfaith ceremony, a cultural fusion celebration, or simply want to incorporate elements of your heritage in a non-religious way, a celebrant like Sonal can help guide you through the process with sensitivity and creativity.

Can I choose any venue for the ceremony? 

If you are choosing to have a Hindu Ceremony then it is important to ensure that the venue you choose allows for the number of people, a separate hall for the food, parking and that you are allowed to have an open fire and a dhol player. This does not need to be a licensed venue as the Hindu Ceremony is currently not a legal wedding ceremony. It’s the registrar part that makes the marriage legal.

Below are some venues in the UK that do accommodate a Religious Hindu Ceremony:

Oshwal Centre in Potters Bar – The Oshwal Centre has a beautiful temple that sits within its atmospheric grounds. The perfect venue for large and small family ceremonies. 

Shendish Manor in Hemel Hempstead – This is a lovely Victorian manor house offering fabulous weddings for intimate or larger celebrations. 

Bushey Country Club in Bushey – The Bushey Country Club boasts modern luxury with beautiful banqueting suites perfect for a religious Hindu ceremony. 

Check out more of our guides to help you plan your special day. You can also follow us on Instagram and Pinterest to keep up with our latest news and ceremony inspo!

Create Your Own Unique Love Story

Whether you’re dreaming of a ceremony that honours your heritage while embracing your current beliefs, planning an interfaith celebration, or seeking to blend different cultural traditions, an independent celebrant can help bring your vision to life.

Meet Sonal Dave: Expert in Multicultural Ceremonies

Sonal Dave is an award-winning multicultural celebrant whose diverse background uniquely positions her to guide couples through creating meaningful ceremonies that honour tradition while embracing personal choice. Based in Harrow, Greater London, Sonal brings her rich multicultural heritage—Indian roots, Ugandan birth, and marriage into a mixed Irish and Indo-Caribbean family—to every ceremony she creates.

Her expertise extends beyond ceremony creation to include toastmaster services and public speaking coaching, ensuring your ceremony is both meaningful and beautifully delivered. Sonal’s inclusive approach and deep understanding of various traditions have earned her recognition as a leading voice in multicultural ceremonies.

Why Choose an Independent Celebrant?

A celebrant-led ceremony offers the freedom to:

• Create a ceremony that respects both tradition and personal beliefs
• Adapt cultural rituals in meaningful, contemporary ways
• Blend different cultural elements seamlessly
• Include family members in ways that honour their beliefs
• Tell your unique love story your way

Find Your Perfect Celebrant Match

The Celebrant Directory features rated and reviewed celebrants across the UK and beyond who specialize in creating ceremonies as unique as you are. From cultural fusion experts like Sonal to celebrants with various specialities, you’ll find the perfect person to help craft your special day.

Ready to start your journey?

Search our directory to find celebrants who:

• Have experience with multicultural ceremonies
• Understand Hindu traditions and rituals
• Can blend different cultural elements respectfully
• Create personalized ceremonies that reflect you

Find Your Perfect Celebrant Now

Your heritage is part of your story. Your ceremony should reflect both who you are and where you come from.