How do I include my children in my wedding ceremony?

Your wedding day isn’t just about joining two people in marriage—it’s often about bringing together entire families and creating new bonds that will last a lifetime. When children are part of this journey, whether they’re from your relationship or previous ones, including them meaningfully in your ceremony can transform it from a simple wedding into a beautiful celebration of family unity.

The obvious way to include children in your wedding ceremony is to make them Bridesmaids or page boys, ushers or even as a best man and have them as part of the wedding party, but as celebrants we know how to go beyond the ordinary – so if you want more personalised ways to include your kids in your ceremony – read on:

Why Include Children in Your Wedding Ceremony?

When couples with children marry, the ceremony represents more than just their commitment to each other—it’s the official beginning of a new or blended family. Including children in your wedding ceremony can:

• Help them feel valued and recognised as essential members of the new family unit
• Create lasting memories and meaningful bonds
• Ease anxieties about family changes
• Celebrate the unique dynamic of your family
• Make the day more special and personal for everyone involved

Planning a Child-Inclusive Ceremony

Every family is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to including children in your wedding ceremony. The key is finding ways that feel authentic to your family dynamic while considering each child’s personality and comfort level. Here are comprehensive ideas and approaches to help you create a ceremony that celebrates your entire family:

Weaving Children Into Your Ceremony Story

One of the most meaningful ways to include children in your ceremony is to make them part of the narrative itself. A skilled celebrant can help craft a ceremony script that acknowledges and celebrates your children’s role in your love story and your future together.

Telling Your Complete Family Story

Your celebrant can weave children into the ceremony narrative by:

• Acknowledging how they’ve been part of your journey as a couple
• Sharing sweet or funny moments that show your bond as a family
• Including stories about how your children have brought you closer together
• Highlighting special moments between your partner and your children
• Recognising the unique dynamic of your blended family

Creating Family Vows and Promises

Beyond traditional wedding vows, your celebrant can help you craft:

• Special promises directed to your children
• Family pledges that everyone makes together
• Child-friendly vows that younger family members can understand and participate in
• Promises that acknowledge each child’s unique place in the family

For example:
“[Child’s name], I promise to always make time for our Friday movie nights…”
“[Child’s name], thank you for welcoming me into your life. I promise to always be there to support your dreams…”

Meaningful Mentions Throughout the Ceremony

A celebrant can naturally incorporate children throughout the ceremony by:

• Including their names in the welcome and introduction
• Acknowledging them during any prayers or blessings
• Referencing them in readings or poems
• Creating moments where they’re mentioned in the closing words

Adapting Language for Blended Families

For blended families, celebrants can:

• Use inclusive language that honours all family connections
• Acknowledge the journey of becoming one family
• Create moments that celebrate new sibling relationships
• Include references to how your love has grown to encompass everyone

Remember: The key is to make these inclusions feel natural and genuine, not forced or performative. Your celebrant will work with you to find the perfect balance of acknowledgment and authenticity.

Other ways to Include your Children in your wedding ceremony

1. Ceremonial Roles and Responsibilities

Traditional roles can be adapted or reimagined to include children meaningfully:

• Walking Down the Aisle: Children can escort a parent, either alone or alongside another adult
• Ring Bearing with a Twist: Beyond the traditional role, children could carry meaningful family heirlooms or symbolic items
• Ceremony Assistants: Older children might help with guest book signing, confetti distribution, or photography
• Special Readings: Children can share personally chosen or written readings during the ceremony

2. Symbolic Rituals and Unity Ceremonies

These beautiful gestures can represent the joining of families. Each ritual carries its own special meaning and can be adapted to include children in ways that feel natural and meaningful:

Family Sand Ceremony

A sand ceremony is a beautiful visual representation of the blending of lives. Each family member receives their own container of coloured sand, chosen to reflect their personality or favourite colour. Taking turns, each person pours their sand into a central clear vessel, creating unique patterns and layers that can never be separated. As the colours combine, they create something new and beautiful—just like your blended family.

This ritual works particularly well with children as they can choose their own colours and practice the pouring beforehand. The final vessel becomes a treasured keepsake that you can display in your home, a constant reminder of the day you officially became a family.

Family Handfasting

Handfasting is an ancient Celtic tradition where couples’ hands are bound together with ribbons or cords to symbolise their union. This meaningful ritual can be beautifully adapted to include children by using multiple ribbons—one for each family member. Each ribbon can hold special significance:

• Choose handfasting ribbon colours that represent each family member
• Use ribbons with written messages or promises
• Include family heirloom ribbons or materials
• Let children help select or decorate their ribbons

The celebrant can guide the family through wrapping the ribbons around the couple’s joined hands, with children participating in adding their own ribbons. This creates a powerful visual symbol of how your lives are now intertwined.

Find out more about the ritual of handfasting here.

Unity Candle Ceremony with a Family Twist

The unity candle ceremony traditionally involves three candles: two taper candles representing the couple, and one larger central candle they light together. For families, this can be expanded to include additional candles for each child. Here’s how it typically works:

1. At the start of the ceremony, each family member has their own candle
2. Parents help younger children light their candles (or they can hold battery-operated ones for safety)
3. Together, all family members use their flames to light the central unity candle
4. The individual flames coming together to create one bigger flame symbolises how each person brings their own light to create a brighter future together

This ritual works especially well in evening ceremonies or indoor venues where the lighting can be controlled for maximum effect.

Flower Lei Ceremony

The Lei ceremony, originating from Hawaiian tradition, is a beautiful ritual of giving and receiving that symbolises love, respect, and family unity. Fresh flower leis (garlands) are exchanged or placed over each family member’s head with a gentle kiss or embrace. The circular shape of the lei represents eternal love and commitment, while the fresh flowers symbolise the beauty and fragility of relationships that need nurturing to flourish.

For families, this can be particularly meaningful as:

• Each child can have their own special lei to give and receive
• Different flowers or colours can represent each family member
• The act of giving and receiving creates a moment of connection
• The sweet scent of flowers adds a sensory element children often enjoy

Red String of Fate Ritual

This profound ritual stems from an East Asian legend that tells of an invisible red thread connecting those destined to be in each other’s lives. For a family ceremony, red silk threads or ribbons are tied gently around each person’s wrist or finger, creating a visual representation of your unbreakable family bonds.

The ritual can be performed by:

• Having each family member help tie ribbons on each other
• Speaking promises or wishes while tying each ribbon
• Creating a special moment for siblings to connect
• Keeping the ribbons as keepsakes afterwards

Blessing Flags

Inspired by Tibetan prayer flags, this interactive ritual involves creating personal flags that carry your family’s hopes and dreams. Before or during the ceremony, each family member decorates their own flag with:

• Written wishes for the family
• Drawings or symbols
• Favourite quotes or sayings
• Personal promises

These flags can be:

• Strung together to create a ceremony backdrop
• Waved during a special moment in the ceremony
• Taken home to display as a reminder of your commitments
• Added to each year on your anniversary

Time Capsule Creation

A time capsule ritual creates a beautiful bridge between your wedding day and your future together. Each family member contributes something meaningful to be sealed away and opened on a significant future date (like your 5th anniversary). Items might include:

• Letters to each other
• Predictions for the future
• Special photos or drawings
• Small meaningful objects
• Wishes for the family

This ritual works well because it:

• Gives children something concrete to focus on
• Creates excitement for the future
• Makes everyone feel included in planning for family milestones
• Provides another special family moment to look forward to

Ringwarming Ceremony

In a ringwarming ceremony – the rings are passed around the family or congregation to be blessed before the couple exchange rings. Asking the children to bless or hold the rings can be a lovely way to involve them without them having to be the centre of attention.

3. Personal Touches and Meaningful Gifts

Create moments that acknowledge each child’s special place in the family:

Family Wedding Certificate

• Include spaces for children to sign or make their mark
• Creates a lasting document that recognises everyone’s role
• Perfect photo opportunity for the whole family

Meaningful Exchanges

• Present special gifts to children during the ring exchange
• Exchange family promises or vows that include the children
• Give personalised jewellery or keepsakes that symbolise family unity

How to include a teenager a wedding ceremony 

Teenagers may feel awkward in certain roles, so consider their comfort level when assuming they’d love to be a bridesmaid or usher. You might want to give a teenager the option to be family content creator for the day and get them to create their own TikTok video of the wedding. Or put them in charge of special aspects such as a Ring Warming, or handing out the confetti for photos after the ceremony. 

How to incorporate a stepchild into a wedding 

In addition to a child’s age, you may want to adapt their role in the ceremony if they are a stepchild.

There can be a lot of emotional weight for a child when their parent marries someone new. This emotional weight can be difficult to understand, and they may find themselves overwhelmed with questions and uncertainty. Will they be welcomed into their new family? Will they still be their parent’s priority? Will their new step-parent feel like a parent to them?

Essentially, our biggest recommendation here is to involve the stepchild in the ceremony as much as possible. They could walk their new stepmum or stepdad down the aisle, or you could add a promise into your vows to care for them as a loving parent, always. 

If your stepchild enjoys putting pen to paper, why not ask them to write a poem or note welcoming their new step-parent into their family, and then have them read it during the ceremony?

The important thing is to ensure they feel recognised and included in the ceremony; this is a huge day for them too, afterall. 

Making It Work: Practical Considerations

When planning child-inclusive elements, keep in mind:

• Age Appropriateness: Choose roles and activities suitable for each child’s age and abilities
• Comfort Levels: Some children may prefer less prominent roles
• Preparation: Practice and explain roles clearly to help children feel confident
• Flexibility: Have backup plans for younger children who might change their minds
• Photography: Plan special photo moments to capture these meaningful inclusions

Create Your Perfect Family Ceremony

Every family’s story is unique, and your wedding ceremony should reflect the special bonds you share. Whether you’re bringing together a blended family or celebrating existing family ties, a celebrant-led ceremony offers the freedom to create moments that are meaningful for everyone involved.

A celebrant can help you:

• Design a ceremony that reflects your family’s personality
• Include meaningful rituals that involve everyone
• Create special moments that your children will remember forever
• Ensure every family member feels valued and included

Ready to Plan Your Family-Centred Ceremony?

Find a celebrant who specialises in creating ceremonies that celebrate families of all kinds. The Celebrant Directory features rated and reviewed celebrants who can help bring your vision of a family-inclusive ceremony to life.

Find Your Perfect Celebrant Now

Your family’s story is unique. Let’s create a ceremony that celebrates every chapter.

Photographer Credit: Alisa Roberts Photography, Amber Varghese Photography, Ariele Chapman Photography.