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Unity Candle Ceremony: Everything you need to know

a celebrant leads a couple through a Unity candle ceremony at their wedding

As you move into the beautiful bond of marriage, it isn’t uncommon to feel the need to recognise this life-changing moment in a memorable, symbolic way. One modern wedding tradition that remains popular is that of the Unity Candle Ceremony.

A Unity Candle Ceremony is a great way to personalise your wedding ceremony; plus, it is arguably the tradition rooted in the most romance!

What is a Unity Candle Ceremony? A Unity Candle Ceremony is when a couple each takes a lit candle and simultaneously lights what is known as the “unity candle”. This symbolises their joining together as a family while maintaining their individuality.

Here at The Celebrant Directory, we have seen a huge increase in couples integrating Unity Candle Ceremonies into their wedding day. Read on to find out everything you need to know about Unity Candle Ceremonies (and whether one could be the right option for you).

What is a Unity Candle Ceremony?

The Unity Candle Ceremony is perhaps one of the most commonly performed rituals at a wedding ceremony. It is a special way to show the joining of families, the merging of two people and the first steps as a blended family.

It involves the couple using two separate candles to light one centre candle that symbolises the coming together of their two hearts in wedded bliss.

When the couple lights the unity candle, it’s a symbol of the Union that’s been created by the two people who enter into marriage, no longer as two individuals, but as one family unit.

How does a Unity Candle Ceremony work?

The Unity Candle lighting Ceremony involves three candles; one taper candle held by each partner (representing the two separate family candles) and then one centre candle which will stand alone – often on a candle stand – to symbolise the union of your families.

Often, the mothers will light the initial family candles and then the couple will light the unity candle together. However, the choice is up to you; you could have a father, a child, a sibling, a friend… or anyone that means something special to your family light the candles!

How much does a Unity Candle cost?

The cost of a Unity Candle kit can vary, but it doesn’t have to cost the earth. Expect to pay anywhere between £15-£60 ($20- $75), the more elaborately decorated or personalised the candle kit, the more it’s going to cost. But if you DIY your Unity Candle kit, you could save some of your precious wedding budget.

You’ll need to purchase 3 candles, 2 smaller taper candles, and one larger pillar candle (your centre candle). You might consider purchasing candle holders so you have somewhere to place the candles during the rest of the ceremony. It’s also handy to have a long-reach lighter to avoid burnt fingers, and you might want a backup in case your lighter fails.

You could opt for a simple candle or get one that is all singing and dancing. Some people choose to have their names engraved on the candle, or even family trees printed on the larger unity candle, you can match the design and colour of the candles to your wedding theme to add that personal touch.

Of, course, if you opt to have your candles displayed on a table with flowers, you might need to factor in the additional arrangement cost with your florist.

What is the meaning of a candle-lighting ceremony?

wedding couple having a Unity candle ceremony

Fire has been used in rituals by humans for thousands of years. There’s evidence of Fire being used in religious ceremonies in the Christian and Jewish Faith since the book of Exodus.  Pagans used fire as part of rituals as a symbol of the manifestation of light out of darkness and to signify new beginnings, renewal and rebirth.

Candle lighting ceremonies as part of non-religious weddings are a relatively new trend; it’s an act that has grown in popularity in the last few decades. Its intention is to show two different identities – from two different walks of life – joining together in the eternal bond of marriage.

The outer candles symbolise the individual lives of the two people getting married and the families for which they came. The larger candle is a symbol of the new life that the couple will share together.

What is the symbol of a candle at weddings?

Flames are said to symbolise love and passion, and so in the context of a marriage, they show the adoration that the couple has for one another. Fire can also symbolise the death of the old and new beginnings, perfect for couples starting their new life together.

Lighting candles and joining them together is the physical representation of their enduring commitment and the blending of their two families.

When to do the unity candle ceremony

Typically, the Unity Candle will be lit immediately after saying your vows. However, at the start of the ceremony is when the individual candles will be lit; perhaps by the mothers or by the children (especially if the wedding is a second marriage).

While the couple lights the Unity Candle, they may choose to have guests sing a song, someone recite a poem, the playing of instrumental music or a meaningful reading in the background.

Do you play music during a unity candle ceremony?

You can choose to personalise the Unity Candle Ceremony as much as you wish, including by having music played in the background.

It’s important to keep in mind that the ceremony isn’t long – you won’t want to choose a song that is so lengthy that guests are waiting awkwardly once the candle lighting has already finished. Popular options are having a section of an instrumental played (if you have musically talented guests who can step to the stage, even better!) or even sung by your guests.

The song should be meaningful to you and your families, with a message that encapsulates what this merging of families means to you all.

What does the Celebrant do at a Unity Candle Ceremony?

Your celebrant or wedding officiant will lead the candle-lighting ceremony by introducing and explaining the symbolism of the ritual to your guests. 

The wedding officiant may say something like, “As you commit to each other today, you’re creating a family circle of love. So may you always carry that light within each other, may you nurture and tend to the flame in each other’s hearts as you recognize your continuing importance in each other’s lives.”

If you involve other guests in your unity ritual, the celebrant will invite them to come forward and light the candles, and then invite the couple to come forward and light the Unity candle together, they might say something like “So now, please share the light of your love and solidify the unity of your family.”

Your celebrant will then guide you to place the Unity Candle in a prominent place whilst they guide you through the rest of your ceremony. 

Unity candle poem

Many people like to include a poem in their Unity Candle ceremony; this can be a beautiful way to capture the romance and deep, transient feeling that you hold for one another.

The poem could be one that you both love, one that speaks to you as a new family unit, one chosen (or written!) by a child…. Anything!

If you are looking for a touch of inspiration, the below poem by Harold Douglas always proves a popular choice at weddings.

Soft mists embrace two golden flames,Alone they search the night.Two souls adrift in dreams of love,They seek to claim the light.The path is long from which they came,But sure they are it’s right.Two flames embrace in dreams of love,Two Souls – Two Hearts Unite.

If you choose to include a reading at your candle lighting ceremony, it should be something that speaks perfectly to you and your partner. There are no rules, and this is your chance to express to the world what this blending of families truly means to the pair of you.

How to do a unity candle ceremony outside

If you’re planning an outdoor wedding or ceremony and want to include a unity candle ceremony, it’s possible but requires a little extra planning.

While unpredictable weather and blustering winds may try to get in the way, there are a few tips for keeping your candle-lighting ceremony achievable. For example, instead of a lighter that may blow out quickly, you could put a small votive candle in a holder and light your candles with that. You could also move the candle lighting to the very end of the ceremony to ensure it doesn’t have to stay lit for too long.

glass votives for an outdoor unity candle ceremony

It’s worth noting that not all venues will allow live flames in their premises – check with your venue before tying yourself into the idea of a unity candle ceremony!

Unity candle ceremony, including guests

Although it is traditional to have the mothers of the bride or groom light the candles in the ceremony, there is no reason that you cannot adjust the tradition based on your own needs.

You could ask the friend who brought you and your partner together to light the candle, to symbolise their role in your relationship. Or you could ask a child in the ceremony to light the candle; this is especially symbolic when two families are blending and bringing stepchildren into one family unit.

Another idea is to include your wedding party, or all of your guests in the candle-lighting ceremony. Each guest would be given an unlit candle as they joined the ceremony. The newly married couple would then light the candle of someone in the front row, who would pass the flame to the next person, the next and the next. When the final candle is lit, they would use it to light the candles of the couple, who would then light the unity candle. The idea is that of uniting not just a family but all your loved ones.

Alternative Unity Ritual Ideas

If you’re looking for more inspiration for unity ceremony ideas, we’ve created a list of 40 unity rituals from around the world with everything from a sand ceremony, to a hand-fasting ceremonywine ceremonies and more

Do you want to find a Celebrant who can conduct a beautiful unity candle ceremony for you? Search our Celebrant Directory to find your perfect Celebrant today.

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