How to write a speech for your own living funeral

posted inTips & Advice, Personalise It, Funerals

|Last Updated 25/11/2024|The Celebrant Directory|Tips & Advice, Personalise It, Funerals

Finding the words to celebrate life’s story – with inspiration from Netflix’s “Love at First Sight.”

When it comes to expressing our deepest feelings about life, love, and the connections we cherish, finding the right words can feel overwhelming. This becomes even more profound when those words are meant for our own living Funeral – a beautiful alternative to traditional funerals where people choose to celebrate their life while they’re present to share in the joy, tears, and gratitude with their loved ones.

In Netflix’s “Love at First Sight,” we’re given a masterful example of how these profoundly personal speeches can strike the perfect balance between celebration and poignancy. Through Tessa Jones’ character (played by Sally Phillips), we witness a moment that captures both the complexity and beauty of addressing loved ones at your own farewell celebration. Her speech weaves together humour and heart, personal stories and universal truths, creating a moment that transforms what could be sombre into something truly magical.

As living funerals become increasingly embraced as meaningful ways to say goodbye, many wonder how to find their own words for such a momentous occasion. Using Tessa’s beautifully crafted speech as inspiration, we’ll explore how you can create an address that feels authentic, meaningful, and true to your own story.

Tessa’s Living Funeral Speech in Full

Thank you, all of you for being here today.

Well, what happened was that Val and I were planning my funeral, and it was just turning into such a brilliant show that I realized I wanted to be alive to see it.

And you’re right. I do hate it when people say nice things about me behind my back. I think it’s a tragic waste.

You only really know what kind of story yours is when you know the ending. And I now know that mine is a love story.

I feel like my life really began the first day that I met Val in a Shakespeare class at uni. He was giving his Richard the Third- Terrible but as the Bard says, “Whoever loved that loved not at first sight?” What can I say? I have eccentric tastes.

And since then, we have written the most beautiful story together with our two darling, dashing, daring sons, and I am so grateful to each of each one of you for being a part of it.

It’s been glorious.

So, let’s be Merry. Let’s eat as much as we possibly can and get really drunk.

And the only rule of the day is… don’t forget to say goodbye.

@funeralchoice Would you want to attend your own funeral? On Netflix's Love at First Sight, Oliver's mother has a "living memorial", often known as a living funeral. The scene shows several Shakespeare readings, alongside some songs and interpretive dances from people in the family's life. Have you watched Love at First Sight? What did you think? ▶️ Find out more about living funerals on our website. #FuneralChoice #Funeral #LivingFuneral #FuneralTok #LivingMemorial #Memorial #Wake #LoveAtFirstSight ♬ original sound – Funeral Choice

Finding Your Voice: Writing Your Living Funeral Speech

Inspired by Tessa Jones’ heartfelt address in “Love at First Sight”

Writing a speech for your own living Funeral might seem daunting, but Tessa Jones shows us how to strike that perfect balance between celebration and poignancy. Here’s how to craft your own memorable address:

Begin With Gratitude

Take a leaf from Tessa’s book and start by acknowledging your guests. A simple “Thank you all for being here today” carries profound weight in this context. It immediately connects you with your loved ones and sets a tone of appreciation.

Share Your ‘Why’

Don’t be afraid to explain why you’ve chosen a living memorial. Tessa’s candid explanation about wanting to be present for her “brilliant show” uses humour to address what some might find uncomfortable. Your reason might differ, but sharing it helps guests understand and embrace the celebration.

Find Your Story’s Theme

Tessa beautifully frames her life as a love story, beginning with meeting Val in that Shakespeare class. Consider:

What’s the central theme of your life?
Which moments defined your journey?
Who were the key characters in your story?

This helps guests understand how you view your life’s narrative and what’s meant the most to you.

Weave in Humour

Notice how Tessa balances emotional moments with light touches – joking about Val’s terrible Richard the Third performance and her “eccentric tastes.” This gives your guests permission to smile and laugh, even amid the tears.

Honour Your Connections

Take time to acknowledge the special relationships in your life. Tessa celebrates her “darling, dashing, daring sons” and expresses gratitude to everyone for being part of her story. Consider:

Who shaped your journey?
What would you like them to know?
How have they enriched your life?

Set the Tone

Like Tessa’s encouragement to “be merry” and “get really drunk,” give your guests permission to celebrate. This might include:

Guidelines for the day
How you’d like people to interact
What would make you happiest to see

You could take inspiration from Kris Hallenga’s Living FUNeral and choose a theme – her YODO – You Only Die Once theme set the tone for a hedonistic, music-filled celebration with sing-alongs and partying into the small hours.

Remember, this doesn’t have to be a wild party, low-key and simple celebrations can be just as meaningful as Celebrant Jo Ohlson Clarke explains – I’ve hosted a living funeral at a local pub for a gentleman who wanted to gather his loved ones together for a Pie and a Pint, and a beautiful garden brunch for a lady with dementia.

Address the Farewell

Tessa’s gentle reminder to “don’t forget to say goodbye” acknowledges the reality of the situation while keeping it from overwhelming the celebration. Consider how you want to handle this aspect:

Do you want to address it directly or indirectly?
What comfort can you offer your loved ones?
How can you make goodbyes feel natural and meaningful?

Personal Touches

Make it uniquely yours by including:

Favourite quotes (like Tessa’s Shakespeare reference)
Inside jokes or family memories
Personal philosophies or life lessons
Special messages for specific people

Writing Tips

Speak from the heart
Keep it authentic to your personality
Balance light and serious moments
Be concise, but don’t rush
Include specific memories and people
End with hope and love

Remember, this is your story to tell. Whether you choose to follow Tessa’s example of weaving together love, literature, and laughter or forge your own unique path, the most important thing is that your speech reflects who you are and what matters most to you.

Your words will be remembered not just for what you say but for the gift you’re giving your loved ones – the chance to celebrate you while you can celebrate with them.

Your Celebrant: Your Guide in Finding the Right Words

While these guidelines provide a framework for crafting your speech, remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Celebrants are storytellers at heart, with deep experience in crafting and delivering meaningful ceremonies and speeches that capture life’s most profound moments. They understand the delicate balance required for living memorial speeches and can help you:

Structure your thoughts and memories in a flowing narrative
Find the right tone for your unique celebration
Include elements that reflect your personality and beliefs
Strike the perfect balance between joy and acknowledgement
Incorporate meaningful quotes, readings, or cultural elements
Transform your ideas into a cohesive, touching address
Practice delivery for maximum impact and comfort

Your celebrant can either help you craft your own words or work with you to create a speech that they deliver on your behalf. Their expertise in holding space for both celebration and emotion makes them invaluable partners in ensuring your living memorial speech truly captures the essence of your story and the message you want to share with your loved ones.

Find your Perfect Celebrant Today

Remember, like Tessa’s speech, your words don’t need to follow any prescribed format. With your celebrant’s guidance, you can create something that feels perfectly, authentically you – a gift of words that your loved ones will carry in their hearts forever.